Which Coping Style is Yours?

Nearly 70% of Americans experience physical and mental symptoms of stress, but only 37% think they are doing very well at managing it, according to a recent study by the American Psychological Association.

Coping styles are the ways we deal with stress. Most of us have a variety of methods that we use depending on our personality and the situation.

Psychologists categorize them as instrumental or emotional. Coping styles can also be divided into active or avoidant. As you might guess, some styles are usually more constructive than others.

If you’re trying to manage stress more effectively, you’ll be happy to know that it’s a skill you can practice. Build your capacity to deal with challenges by recognizing and changing your coping style.

Instrumental Coping

Instrumental or problem-focused methods stress developing solutions. Many experts believe that it’s advantageous to make this your primary approach.

That’s especially true when you’re dealing with circumstances that you can control.

Practice these strategies to develop greater skill in instrumental coping:

1. Spot patterns. Look for habits when you analyze your behavior. When you understand your reactions, you can decide if they’re helping you or holding you back.

2. Apply your values. Consider your options and how they align with your faith or other core beliefs. To be successful, it’s important to have strategies that enable you to be authentic.

3. Take action. How can you implement your plans? Break big projects down into smaller tasks. Take a first step that will help you build motivation and momentum.

4. Learn from experience. Any active method of coping can help you turn setbacks into valuable life lessons. Figure out how you may be contributing to your own difficulties. Forgive yourself and others for past disappointments and move forward.

Emotional Coping

Emotion-focused methods emphasize processing your feelings about what’s going on. This is a wise choice when you need to accept reality, even if you find it unpleasant. You can’t change the weather, but you can be happy when it rains on your wedding day.

These strategies will help you cope emotionally:

1. Breathe deeply. Focus on your breath to release tension. Relaxing will help you to think more clearly and avoid impulsive actions that you may regret later.

2. Talk it over. Social support makes it easier to work through uncomfortable feelings. You gain insights from putting your story into words and listening to other perspectives.

3. Exercise regularly. Taking care of your body helps to fight anxiety and depression. Find a variety of physical activities that you enjoy so you’ll stick with your workout program.

4. Start a journal. If you struggle to connect with your emotions, writing about them can help. You can keep your thoughts to yourself or share them with a therapist.

Avoidance Coping

Avoidance may provide temporary relief, but it backfires if you rely on it excessively. Trying to run away from your troubles increases stress and undermines your self-confidence.

These strategies will help you face your situation and deal with it:

1. Challenge your assumptions. Avoidance is often a sign that you doubt your own abilities. Try to reframe the way you see daily events so you’ll feel more hopeful. Think about how you can make any experience more meaningful.

2. Seek healthy alternatives. Do you try to numb yourself with distractions like alcohol or shopping? Find outlets that are more constructive. In addition to working out, you could play the piano or pet your dog when you feel tense.

3. Keep practicing. Changing your coping style takes time. Give yourself credit for each victory and be patient if you relapse.

4. Consider counseling. If you feel like you need more resources, contact the psychological association in your state or ask friends and family for referrals. Talking with a professional can help you to reach your goals.

Changing your coping style can make you more resilient and successful. Face your troubles head on and manage your emotions. You’ll experience less stress and feel more positive about yourself.

Practicing Self-Regulation: Skills and Strategies

One of the most impressive signs of a truly evolved and self-aware adult is the ability to self-regulate. This refers to the ability to make intelligent decisions regarding your thoughts, words, and actions. It’s the ability to avoid acting on poor impulses.

People who self-regulate well are less likely to have tumultuous lives, overeat, or make regretful short-term decisions.

Those with self-regulation skills also have control over their emotions.

If all this sounds attractive to you, practicing these strategies will allow you to gain real control over yourself and your life:

1. Avoid substances that are irritating or disorienting.

The more natural your body’s state, the easier it will be to regulate your actions and emotions. Things that alter your physiology or consciousness create unnecessary challenges.

◦ Some common things to avoid are alcohol, drugs, foods that irritate your body in any way, and caffeine.

◦ Examine your diet. Note how you feel before and after eating something. Eliminate those foods that negatively alter your mood, energy levels, or perception.

2. Exercise.

Exercise is great for self-regulation for a variety of reasons:

◦ Consistently following an exercise routine creates discipline.

◦ Exercise reduces stress and makes it easier to regulate yourself.

◦ Exercise enhances mood and wellbeing. Both are useful for self-regulation.

3. Sleep.

It’s harder to manage yourself effectively if you’re overtired or are sleeping too much. Energy and alertness will give you better control over your thoughts and behavior. Most people find the optimal amount of sleep to be between 7 and 9 hours. Experiment and see what works best for you.

4. Set goals.

Goals provide a framework for making decisions. When you’re faced with multiple options, you can ask yourself how each of those choices will affect your ability to accomplish your goals.

◦ Without goals, it’s much harder to make a decision. So, it’s also harder to regulate yourself.

5. Have standards.

Having standards has a similar effect as having goals. Your standards are a powerful way of limiting and regulating your behavior. Standards are similar to values. If you know your values, it’s easy to develop your standards.

◦ If you’ve never thought about your values, now is a great time to do it. Make a list of your values and then develop some standards for yourself.

◦ For example, if good health is a primary value, a standard related to that value might be to never eat foods that contain added sugar. If you don’t eat foods with sugar, you’re regulating your behavior.

6. Monitor.

Constantly monitor your mood and thoughts. When you drift from normal, you’ll be able to catch it quickly and subdue it before it gets out of hand.

◦ The same goes for your behavior. If you’re doing things you normally wouldn’t do, such as yelling at someone, ask yourself what’s going on.

7. Mindfulness.

Keeping your mind in the present and on the task before you is one form of self-regulation. It also makes self-regulation easier, as your mind isn’t drifting away and creating challenges for you.

◦ Throughout the day, notice how often your mind is in the past or future. Also, notice how often your mind is thinking about things other than what you’re doing. It’s amazing that anyone manages to get anything done!

If you think about the people you know who regularly struggle with life, you’ll see that their ability to self-regulate is poor. Now, examine those you know who seem to sail through life with little difficulty. Their self-regulation skills tend to be quite high.

The ability to manage your thoughts, emotions, words, and actions can’t be overstated. Self-regulation is an important part of success.

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