What Causes Relationship Problems?

It seems like some people have naturally great relationships and it's easy for them. But the truth is, relationships require work by both parties involved in order to make them deep, meaningful, and long-lasting.

There is no such thing as a problem-free relationship, and below are some of the things that contribute to relationship problems.

1) Poor Communication - If one of the people in a relationship is constantly critical, manipulative, demanding, or just plain does not listen to the partner's needs or desire then there is certainly a communication problem.

Never assume your partner knows what you are thinking or what you want.

Verbalize your desires and needs and do everything you can to get your partner to talk to you.

Issues get resolved by sometimes totally "giving in", but most often than not by compromising.

2) Lack of Self-Esteem - When one partner doesn't feel good about him or herself, they tend to be needy, clingy, overly critical, dramatic, controlling, or even overly jealous.

You are not responsible for fixing the self-esteem issues of others, but you can help him or her in subtle ways.

Help them to see where their strengths are and help them find more time to spend on what they do best.

Offer your expertise in finding clothes that make them feel most confident, and ask them to volunteer with you.

Helping others with problems can really affect the self-esteem of all involved.

3) Poor Problem-Solving Ability - Sometimes one party will deny there is a problem, won't take credit for any part of the problem, or mislabels the problem.

They don't think through all possible solutions to pick the best one and don't involve the other party in the decision-making process.

Try to take on relationship problems together.


If your mate doesn't think things through then you should step up and offer additional possible solutions. This calls for lots of dialogue without finger pointing.

4) Unresolved Anger - There may be bottled-up resentment or anger from past issues or arguments that has never been dealt with.

This piles up on top of the current issue, making it bigger and both parties react over and above the current problem.

It's best to get mad and get over it, right?

This takes some practice if you're both used to bottling it up and putting a cork in it until it finally explodes.

It's time to let your anger out in a healthy, constructive way each time.

Be fair and don't throw in past hurts - concentrate on the current problem at hand. Encourage your partner to do the same.

5) Not Enough Quality Togetherness - Every couple needs quality time together and it needs to be planned for and spent together.

Each should show some interest in the other's activities, even when it doesn't involve them.

In your busy world, you have to plan for quality time.

It usually doesn't just happen by chance. Plan for date nights to get a break from the kids, and find a hobby you can enjoy together and carve out time to do it often.

You will naturally have activities apart, but you won't be totally shut out from them if you take some interest.


6) Outside Influences - There are many outside factors that cause relationship problems; work stress, well-meaning friend advice, in-laws, stepchildren, debt issues, and/or health problems.

First zero in on what the problem is, or what your partner thinks the problem is, discuss ways to improve it and take action, one problem at a time.

Remember that all relationships have problems at one time or another.

To have the close relationship you desire, you can first identify the problems and then take positive steps to work out the solutions.


I hope that you have found some helpful tips here for how to build a lasting relationship.

But you always need to keep learning and researching for more help and expert guidance if you want to keep things fresh and current.

If you need help in your communicating you can also get more help here for how to improve relationship communication.

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