Making Friends as a Highly Sensitive Person

Does making new friends feel overwhelming? Do you ever feel alone despite being surrounded by others? Have you ever wished that you could have a deeper connection with someone instantly?

Maybe you feel overstimulated in a busy environment. Or maybe the reason you feel completely alone and drained is because of small talk.

If you crave that deeper connection with others, you might be highly sensitive.

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are introspective, can become overstimulated if their surroundings are too busy, and feel drained by small talk.

Because of this, making new friends as a highly sensitive person can be exhausting.

You might use a lot of energy just trying to feel comfortable around new people.

Or you find yourself craving a deeper connection that goes beyond small talk.

Try these techniques to make friends when you’re highly sensitive:

1. Be selective with the people in your inner circle.

HSPs are sensitive to their environments and the emotions of the people around them.

Because of this, you might find someone’s energy particularly draining. Be selective with the people who you allow into your life:

● Choose those who encourage you rather than undermine you.

● Remind yourself that deep friendships come from quality over quantity.

● Reach out to others who make you feel understood and happy.

2. Change the questions you ask.

Ask open-ended questions that help you dig beyond the surface!

Taking the lead in the conversation and asking questions shows others that you are curious to hear more.

● “Can you tell me more about that?”

● “What was the hardest part of that experience for you?”

● “What’s something you’ve overcome recently?”

● “What is your greatest accomplishment in life?”

● “What do you fear most in life? What would you do differently if you woke up tomorrow with no fear?”

● “What are three things from this past week that made you feel great?”

3. Be self-compassionate.

We’ve all been there: the moment where we make a mistake or say the wrong thing and end up in a vicious spiral of negative self-talk.

Instead of berating yourself for making a mistake, practice self-compassion! Remember:

● People you meet are humans who make mistakes as well.

● You are trying your best to connect.

● You have the strength to recover after any mistake!

4. Lead with vulnerability.

Much of the time, we wait for someone else to be vulnerable.

But we can lead with vulnerability, too! When you’re building a new connection with someone, share how you feel or what’s on your mind.

● Being vulnerable can help others relate to your human emotions and experiences.

● Leading with vulnerability could encourage the other person to open up and be vulnerable with you as well.

5. Enjoy the process.

The reality is, you won’t be able to connect with everyone you meet on a deeper level.

There will be some people you meet who put up a wall or even drain your energy with negativity.

● Instead of reaching for that deep connection with every person, enjoy the experience of getting to know someone new.

Taking the effort to make deeper friendships with others can help you feel more connected and fulfilled.

But what’s most important is being present and enjoying the process, too!

As a highly sensitive person, you might catch yourself overthinking how you handle situations.

Overthinking keeps us trapped in our heads instead of the present.

When we’re trapped in our heads, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy of distancing ourselves from potential friendships.

Being connected and understood are basic human needs.

People want to feel connected! Practice taking the lead in a conversation and being curious about others.

If a relationship drains you instead of giving you energy, consider directing your time somewhere else.

Cherish quality over quantity in your relationships.

A Conversation Checklist for Making Friends

Conversation is an important part of making new friends. Communication is the key to all relationships.

You might have learned how to bisect a triangle in high school, but it’s unlikely anyone taught you how to have a successful conversation.

Some of us were lucky enough to be born with this skill. Others need a little guidance and a lot of practice.

Either way, enhancing this skill can yield great benefits in your live.

See how conversation skills can be your ticket to a healthy social life:

1. Smile.

It’s easier to start and maintain a conversation if you’re smiling.

Imagine two people at a party. One is smiling, and the other is clearly unhappy.

Which one would you rather speak to?

● Having a smile is extending an invitation to everyone to enter your personal space and begin a conversation. Smiling will also keep people in a conversation longer.

2. Have a positive attitude.

If you find social interaction with strangers uncomfortable, you might have an ineffective perspective.

Avoid having a conversation with the goal of impressing the other person.

You don’t even know them. How can you know what will impress them?

● Have the intention of getting to know the other person.

● Show that you’re a friendly person.

● Make the other person feel good about themselves.

● If you can do these three things, you’ll have more friends than you can cram into your schedule.

3. Ask questions.

Questions demonstrate interest. It’s also an easy way to get the ball rolling. Ask questions that require a longer response than a simple yes or no answer.

Ask the other person about their hobbies or other interests. Find out what they enjoy and ask a few questions about that.

4. Show interest.

You can show interest by asking questions, giving your full attention, maintaining eye contact, being a good listener, and with your facial expressions.

Be interested. It’s the greatest compliment you can give someone.

5. Use the other person’s name.

Ensure you get the other person’s name and then use it in conversation. “That’s so funny, Steve.” People love to hear their name.

It will also make it easier for you to remember it. The more you say it, the less likely you are to forget it.

6. Keep the conversation going.


Allow the conversation to drift to more interesting topics than the weather, work, and the Cubs prospects this year.


Use questions to keep the conversation moving forward. Look for topics that interest you both. This is a key component of any friendship.

7. Stay in touch.

You’re not going to make a new BFF in 10 minutes of chatting, but you never know what the future may hold.

Ensure that you can speak again in the future. Give the other person your business card and exchange phone numbers or email addresses.

8. Practice as much as you can.

Imagine that everyone you meet has been sent to give you the practice you need to master your communication skills.

You’ll never run out of potential victims for practicing. You might become the most popular person you know.

Sharpening your conversational skills can boost your social life to a new level.

Each conversation you have is a new chance to practice your skills and potentially make a new friend.

Keep these tips in mind when chatting with someone new. With a little practice, you can have the conversational skills of a talk show host.

Did you find this post fun, informative and useful? If so, please share it with others!

If you have a comment, question or suggestion, please leave a comment below!

Cheers, Helene Malmsio


Related Reading: How To Build Friendships And Maintain Them

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