"Where are you going? How long will you be gone? Who is going to be there? Why are you wearing THAT?" If these questions are familiar to you, you're probably in a problematic relationship… one that is marred by jealousy.
At first you find it hard to believe; you've told him how much you love him, why doesn't he believe you? You've said you only have eyes for him, so why does he think the worst?
To understand a jealous partner, you must first realize it's not you - it's him. If you've done nothing for him to be jealous of such as having an affair, then his jealousy stems from his own insecurities, his own low self-worth.
There is nothing much you can do to "convince" him you're loyal.
First decide whether the relationship is worth saving. Does he have a lot of fine qualities and you truly love to be with him?
It's going to take more work than many relationships would, so you need to be committed.
Encourage him to work on his low self-esteem. It's not up to you to build him up, it's got to come from within.
Nudge him towards activities he excels in and remind him to acknowledge when he's done a good job (rather than him dwelling on what's gone wrong in his life).
Research and find good self-esteem building programs such as tapes he can listen to in the car or podcasts on his iPod.
Remind him you're committed to the relationship and tell him you love him - and do it when he is not asking for it.
Words of encouragement and acknowledgement go a long way as well.
Stand up for yourself and refuse to be submissive. Remember, you've done nothing wrong despite how his jealousy makes you feel.
Don't change your actions just to avoid setting him off. You have every right to stop and talk to that old high school friend in the grocery store.
Carve out time for yourself that does not involve your partner, and encourage him to do the same.
If he's doing something he enjoys, he'll spend less time imagining what you might be doing without him there to control you.
If he is not willing to try, or he doesn't seem to be getting anywhere on his own, then it might be time for him to get professional help.
If it gets to the point where you can't endure it (and you shouldn't have to endure it) then it's time to give him an ultimatum - he needs to get help now or he will force this relationship to break apart.
You can try to help your partner but you need to be true to yourself and not let him walk all over you. No one has to endure a jealous relationship; encourage him to work on his own insecurities or seek professional help if needed.
I hope that you have found some helpful tips here for how to build a lasting relationship.
But you always need to keep learning and researching for more help and expert guidance if you want to keep things fresh and current.
If you need help in your communicating you can also get more help here for how to improve relationship communication.
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