How Do We Make Up After a Big Fight?

by Sandra Baldwyn

Your relationship is going along fine, super even, and then it gets derailed by a big fight.

It happens in every relationship, you are not alone, but what you do after the big fight to make up means the difference between having a deep, lasting relationship and going your separate ways.

Here are some tips on how to make up after a big fight:

1. Arguing is not about winning. Don't throw your relationship under the bus just because you have to be right. Accept your part in the argument and realize you need to apologize for it.

2. Say you're sorry for your part after you've calmed down and are ready to talk again. You have to be sincere and feel it or it doesn't work for either of you.

3. Identify that you are now making up. Have a signal either of you can use that you're ready to make up.

4. Figure out what you're really arguing about. It might not be easy to identify on the surface. There might be other issues going on and those need to be talked about and worked through.

5. Watch what you say during the make up. Speak rationally, without attacking, or you'll end up in Big Fight Part II. Try to sum it up in one sentence; this could easily become the springboard for a healthy discussion.

6. Recognize that your partner cannot read your mind and may not "get it" right away, even if you do explain. Sometimes the light bulb doesn't go on when you want it to, no matter how much sense you think you're making. Learn to accept that.

7. If the fight was extremely nasty, you will need time to lick your wounds. Spend some time apart, even if it is just 15 minutes, and come together to talk things out and make up as soon as you can after that. Don't leave it open-ended; both of you should know there will be a make up period.

8. Talk; don't resort to ignoring the fight or brushing it lightly aside or it will rear up again, and soon. Don't give your partner the silent treatment to punish him/her until life forces you to talk again. You've resolved nothing. Acknowledge there was a fight, discuss it, and come up with solutions together.

9. Use humor to diffuse the anger afterwards. Sometimes it's plain awkward to get started talking again and a little light humor could be the bridge to start the discussion.

10. Find common ground to help get you back on track. Find something you can easily be on the same side about and go forward together.

Having an occasional flare up in your relationship is not necessarily a bad thing if you follow these tips on how to make up after a big fight. You both can learn and grow from the experience.

I hope that you have found some helpful tips here for how to build a lasting relationship.

But you always need to keep learning and researching for more help and expert guidance if you want to keep things fresh and current.

If you need help in your communicating you can also get more help here for how to improve relationship communication.

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