Clear the Air: 8 Tips for Difficult Conversations


Difficult conversations are, well, difficult. We don’t like to have them with others. We don’t like others to have them with us. Consequently, we aren’t very good at them, because we avoid having them as much as possible.

However, many situations only get worse without having a conversation. A lot of challenges can be avoided by sitting down and having a difficult conversation. Take a deep breath and do it.

Try these tips to clear the air with a simple conversation:

1. Consider the other person’s point of view. Before going to war with someone, take the time to see things from their perspective. They might have a valid issue that you haven’t considered. It’s not easy to do this, but those that deal with people effectively are good at it.

◦ Consider what the other person knows and wants. Sometimes, others don’t have all the information that you do.

2. Identify the issue. What exactly is the problem? You might think your employee runs for the parking lot each night because they don’t care. The real situation might be that they have to pick their children up from daycare by a certain time or pay a big fine.

◦ Be certain you know what the actual issue is before having a difficult conversation.

3. Identify the desired outcome. What is the goal of the conversation? Is it to end a relationship? Find middle ground? It’s hard to achieve success if you don’t even know what success looks like. Determine what you’re trying to accomplish before you have the conversation.

4. Right place, right time. Most difficult conversations need to be done in private, and at a time when everyone involved has enough time to participate and process their thoughts.

5. Identify behavior but leave the person alone. Suppose you don’t like the fact that your husband leaves his wet bath towel on the hardwood floor of the master bedroom.

◦ It would be appropriate to say, “Leaving your wet towel on the floor is causing damage and creating a tripping hazard. I would appreciate it if you would cease and desist.”

◦ It wouldn’t be appropriate to say, “Why are you such a lazy person? What’s wrong with you?” This approach might feel good in the moment, but it always backfires.

◦ When you attack others, their natural instinct is to attack back. That’s probably not your desired outcome.

6. Allow the other person to speak. Conversations require at least two people. You can’t just drop a bomb and then head for your poker game. It’s important that everyone has a chance to say what’s on their mind.

7. Forgive. Difficult conversations often result in hurt feelings. Forgiveness is part of the process of finding a pleasant place to land. Holding a grudge only creates additional pain. Forgiving another person can be incredibly challenging, but you’ll feel a lot better.

8. Do something positive afterwards. Avoid just going back to your neutral corners afterwards. It creates an awkward situation. Go for a walk or go to a movie. Have some ice cream. Something to take the edge off.

Whom do you need to speak to? What would be solved by having that conversation? Difficult conversations are called difficult for a reason. They’re not easy conversations to have. They make both parties feel uncomfortable.

However, the ability to communicate clearly and precisely is one of the advantages of being human. We have an obligation to use that ability. You can do it.

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How to Deal with Feuding Coworkers



You think your work life would run smoothly if you get along with your coworkers. However, if they’re feuding with each other, you could wind up caught in the middle.

Maybe an office romance has turned sour or two junior account executives are competing for one promotion. Maybe 40 hours of togetherness each week is just too much for personalities that are basically incompatible.

Whatever the causes, office conflicts often create stress and lower productivity.

How do you decide whether to intervene or keep your distance? Take a look at these suggestions for navigating a common workplace dilemma.

Tips for Intervening with Feuding Coworkers

You may need to take action if the battles are interfering with your ability to do your job. In some cases, you may also feel like you can help to restore harmony even if it’s not part of your job description.

Try these techniques to help resolve these situations:

1. Stay neutral. Refuse to choose sides even if you’re friendlier with one of the parties involved. In fact, that may be a valid reason to work harder at overcoming any bias so you can interact effectively with both colleagues.

2. Listen. Demonstrate your willingness to listen to different points of view. Giving each party an opportunity to vent can be constructive as long as you watch out for any signs that it’s developing into chronic complaining.

3. Explain the impact. Your coworkers may be so caught up in their struggles that they fail to realize how they’re affecting the rest of the office. Letting them know how others feel could motivate them to settle their differences.

4. Collaborate on solutions. Unsolicited advice can be tricky. Ask your coworkers if they want your suggestions. Offer to help them brainstorm their own options for how they can turn the situation around.

Tips for Keeping Your Distance from Feuding Coworkers

1. Document activities. Office conflicts can muddle communications and pull you in different directions. Be sure to create a paper trail and keep others informed of your activities, so you’re less likely to be held responsible for events beyond your control.

2. Consult your colleagues. If you’re confused about what to do, try to talk with someone you trust. There may be others who share your concerns, and you’ll benefit from putting your heads together.

3. Avoid gossip. Naturally, discussing your coworkers can be a sensitive subject. Ask yourself if what you’re saying is true and helpful.

4. Approach a third party. If the office is becoming seriously divided, you may need to report the matter to your boss or to HR. If so, stick to the facts and make it clear that you’re eager to do your part to make positive changes.

5. Encourage morale. While some differences are more difficult to reconcile than others, building team spirit can heal minor riffs and prevent others from developing. Propose activities that bring the company together, like group volunteer projects and occasional parties.


Office squabbles may sometimes be inevitable, but you can maintain healthy boundaries. Try to empathize with your coworkers while continuing to focus on your own career goals.





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